The dirty statues joke...

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.

These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head"

My new mission in life...

Up to this point, I must confess,my life has been pretty aimless. No longer though!

I have long been mulling over the idea of inventing a word and trying to get it into the Macquarie Dictionary. I have decided on that word. I have not heard anyone else using it, so if it already exists in this form, my life is pointless...

"The word?" you might ask.

My word is "shemull", which is one of those hideous mullets that some females insist on sporting. Lets face it, the Eighties are over and some fashions should not be revisited. Not only that, but they don't suit most of the girls/women wearing them. Besides which, I just think they look stupid.

Anyway, I must ask that anyone reading this starts using the word "shemull", as well as encouraging others to use it. If it gets used enough to come into common usage in Australia, I think Macquarie feels obliged to publish it as a real word.

I have other possible words and phrases floating round in my head, such as "bogan tuxedo", which is the least holey pair of jeans in a bogans wardrobe, teamed with his "good" flanny shirt. If anyone has ideas of their own, let me know. I have heard of "people power" and want to see if it really exists.

Uncyclopaedia, a great source of disinformation.

Bored? Lazy? Seeking simple gratification?
Check out this link:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Computer
which is a fantastic article about computers.
Now I understand it all...

Popping my blogging cherry...

Well, here it is, my first ever blog. For anyone reading this, I suggest that you lower your expectations- that way you can't be disappointed. Actually, that's a good tip for life in general. Anyway, I have no idea what to write, so I'll keep this short.

Here's a joke I love:

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
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They taste different!

Well, that's me done. Said this would be short.